As I’ve said before, the worst days I’ve had so far have been the ones where I haven’t been able to get myself out of the house, so an already dark day becomes even darker as I have time to dwell, to let the negative thoughts wheedle their way back in and throw the black dog a big juicy piece of me to sink its teeth into.
Thankfully, today I haven’t had one of those days, it’s my dad’s birthday so I already had a plan to visit mum and dad and take cards and presents over, as I’d be over that way I also arranged to have lunch with my friend Clare, and then this evening a long overdue rehearsal with the EPB. Also, a last-minute addition to the calendar came with a phone call yesterday from Helen Bailey at Radio Sheffield, asking me if I would like to go on the mid morning show, today, to talk about the blog, the reasons behind it and to give a bit of background. So, at just after 10 o clock this morning, I spoke to Becky Measures about how I started writing this blog, why, and we delved deeper into my journey and talked about the positive effects it’s already having. Also I opened up honestly about how I’m feeling, and where I am with things at this moment. Becky is a lovely soul, welcoming and warm and it was easy to open up to her, I listened back to the interview later, I think it came across well, and I’ve had some great feedback.
Lunch with Clare was nice, we haven’t caught up for a long while so we had lots to talk about, Clare has also had her own struggles to deal with, so it was a spirit of kinship that lent itself to our conversation, she had good news to impart, as well as some less good news, all in all it was nice to pick up where we left off, which we always do, regardless of the length of time between our lunches.
Then to mum and dad’s, to deliver dad his card and present, and to see how mum is getting on after her hospital visit last week. Mum is much better, almost back to her usual self, and she was in a fairly upbeat mood, dad, being dad, was as he always is, and got me up to speed with mum’s hospital and doctors appointments, all seems pretty good right now, which is a relief, and one less thing to stress about.
I’m tentatively thinking that the medication is beginning to take some effect, the peaks and troughs in my mood are much less violent in their fluctuation, and things seem to be levelling off. at this point, they are levelling off at a fairly low-level, I guess the next steps are going to be looking at ways to raise the background level of my mood, this is where I think the counselling will be invaluable as I need to dig down to the root of this depression, to find the source and to tackle the issues that show themselves. I know that the last few months at work have contributed to the problem, but I suspect that they have just been a trigger for what is lying beneath the surface.
Finally, a practice with the Everly Pregnant Brothers rounded off what has been a busy day, it’s always good to see the lads, and tonight took on a special significance as for the first time in months, I actually had some new ideas to put forward, and I really enjoyed creating something fresh again.
It’s late now, and I need to try to get some rest, sleep still evades me most nights, I’m dozing fitfully but I know I’ll probably wake two or three times during the night, and tomorrow I’ll be pretty tired, I’m hoping I have enough energy and motivation to get out and be busy again. Until tomorrow, once again, thank you for checking in.