I had a day off writing yesterday, but when I got into bed last night, I realised it had been by accident, and I felt a twinge of guilt, and that led to a little punch of sadness and feeling I’d let people down. Thankfully after a few minutes something rational kicked in and a little voice inside me said “get over yourself, bellend, nobody’s going to get their knickers in a twist because you’ve missed a day on your blog”. I did think about it again this morning, and I realised I do have a responsibility to this blog, to keep chronicling this journey that I’m on, if for nobody else, then for myself. This process of writing things down, honestly, opening up the whole can of worms, is helping me to find some answers to questions I didn’t know I was going to ask.
A phone call from my dad brought me to reality with a smack to the face, he was calling to ask how I was, and as I hadn’t spoken to him since going to the doctor, I figured it was just a general enquiry, but I thought it was about time I came clean, and I explained to him what has happened, where I am with everything, and asked him not to tell my mum, as not wanting to worry her was one of the primary reasons for my burying my head in the sand. a couple of hours later, my phone rings again, mum….. ah shit. So, I bite the bullet, and I tell my mum, who’s been in poor health for a while, about the whole thing, I reckon it’s like tearing off a plaster, if I tell her all at once, she’ll get upset but get over it. She does what she’s been doing for the last 48 years, and surprises me, far from being distraught and freaking out, she’s incredibly calm and supportive, she’s been there, when we were small, she had her own battle with depression, which lasted on and off for fourteen years, during which time, she lost both parents, and brought up three children alongside my dad, who has always been, and remains, a steady rock and tower of strength for her, and for us all. She tells me to look after myself, to keep in contact and let her know how I’m getting on, I promise to go and visit this week. I can’t lie, I had a little moment of happy tears after that phone call.
Later I’m called by a reporter from the Sheffield Star, he’d approached me last week having seen the blog, and asked if I’d be willing to talk to him for the paper, of course I was happy to, and we chatted for a good twenty minutes or so. The article is on the Sheffield Star website, and should be in print this week. It’s another way of getting this blog, and this issue, out there to a wider audience who may not be on social media or online. I hope that the conversation spreads, and that I can continue to spread the message of talking things through.