Friday; tears, tea and a slice of heaven

As it was late last night, when we got in, and it had been a long day, I didn’t get around to writing yesterday’s blog, so today, I’m doing two.

After a week of ups, downs and indifference, Friday definitely started on a down, I woke feeling very low, back to the waves of sadness and despair that had hit me last week, tearful for most of the morning, nothing seemed positive, my head was spinning with a mixture of confusion, despair and fear that this isn’t going away. as the morning wore on and I started to think more rationally, I remembered the doctor’s words, that the medication can take a month or so to start working, and that I might find things feeling worse before they get better, and I’m only a week into this journey, it feels longer but that’s all it is. All this will pass.

in the afternoon I went to a friend’s house for a long overdue catch up and a cup of tea ( I’m regaining a deep appreciation for tea on this road, I’ve drunk more in the last week than in the last month) and being around someone positive, gentle and supportive started to lift my spirits, although I’ve noticed something, when someone is being lovely and supportive and I’m telling them how grateful and lucky I am, I find myself becoming emotional and tearful, but it feels like happy tears, if that makes sense. and I am grateful for all the love and support I’m receiving, it’s keeping me afloat.

rounding off the day was a trip to the Foundry to see Blancmange and Heaven 17, good company, and two great bands from my musical formative years, generally the atmosphere was great, only marred slightly by a couple of negative incidents, one where I stood in the way of someone’s view, not with any malice, just trying to stand with my friends, but someone decided to have a go at me. Normally I would have just moved aside a little and passed it off, but last night it just hit me like a punch, and I retreated to the side by the bar well out-of-the-way. Shaken, I just stood quietly and watched the show. Then near the end, standing with my friends (who had come out of the crowd and joined me) a guy sidled up and stood uncomfortably close behind one of my friends, there was  no issue of space, he was just being creepy. She assumed it was one of us so when she turned around to see this bloke she was understandably and visibly shocked, as he backed off slightly I stepped behind my friend to create a barrier. unperturbed he made a move towards my friend and was about to speak to her when she turned and spoke to me, at which point he moved quickly away, briefly coming back before moving off and trying the same tactic on another woman near the bar. I mention this for one reason, in the current climate where sexual harassment is being discussed and challenged, it’s annoyingly familiar to see this kind of slimy, creepy behaviour still in full evidence, he obviously assumed my friend was at the gig alone, and thought she was ‘fair game’. the worry is, what if she had been alone? what if we hadn’t been there, what would his next move have been? his attention was unwanted, would he have accepted that and moved on, or would he have tried to intimidate my friend? for the record, if he had tried to intimidate her, he would most likely be nursing a broken nose and extremely sore undercarriage from being swiftly kicked, not all women are that confident and robust, and that’s why we have to change our attitudes, nobody is saying don’t approach someone you are attracted to, that’s how we meet people, but approach in full view, from the front, and keep a respectful distance. If your interest is reciprocated, and encouraged, then you can move a bit closer, if it isn’t, accept it, and go away.

I realise I’ve gone a bit off topic but this incident really got to me, far more than some guy having a pop because he couldn’t see as much of the stage as he would have liked.

as for the slice of heaven, well, that was right at the end, when Martyn Ware and Glenn Gregory played a beautiful piano/voice version of ‘Life on Mars’ that WAS tears of happiness in my eyes at that point.

1 Comment

  1. I love your blog Shaun, I love that you can share your feelings with us, by sharing you’re making mental health visible, giving others the courage to be more open and reducing stigma x Keep on surrounding yourself with positive influences and rid your life of anything bringing you down. Your blog gave me inspiration to start my own blog, I am a novice at blogging but hope to post all our walks and travels.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s