There wasn’t much to really write about today, with my friend Sarah, we went to Matlock and Matlock Bath, which were to say the least, quiet, mostly closed up until the weekend, and only a smattering of people wandering around, nevertheless it was good to be outside, in the fresh air, somewhere pretty in its fading Victorian splendour and down at heel seaside tackiness. Then we went to IKEA, which is very much open, filled with people, massive, and a little bit overwhelming. It was a pleasant day, with the company of a good friend, and for a few hours I almost forgot about everything, with just an occasional quiet moment.
I know I’ve said this previously, but I really am lucky to have such a supportive network of friends, and of course Janine. While having a cup of tea, Sarah and I were talking about this idea of co-operation, and how we choose our team, the people who we are closest to, and each person in our team means something different to us, and we look to them for different things, it’s what civilisation is/was built on, the idea of helping each other in whatever way we can, and whatever way we need each other to. Leading on from this, I thought that perhaps, some of us have an inbuilt need to nurture, to be a part of everyone’s team, and to be everything to everyone, because we want to make people happy, which of course makes us happy, and is great for us. The problem with this is that there’s a limit, you really can’t be everyone’s team member, because if you try to do this, you spread yourself too thin, and eventually something has to give. I think that may be what has brought me to where I am, I’ve put pressure on myself in both my work life, home life, and social life, to be everyman for everyone, and I’ve broken myself in the process.
I don’t mean to say that I am in any way ‘special’ in this, I think I’m just another one in a long line of broken souls. So, I’m hoping, with the love and support of my little team, that I can start to mend myself, and move forward positively. So, whether you know you’re in my team or not, thank you, I love you all.