Today wasn’t a good day, it wasn’t a horrible day, it was a numb, fuzzy, tired, listless and unmotivated day. It started at the gym, with my usual routine, 20 minutes on the bike, 20 minutes on the treadmill. Normally I get a buzz on and feel good at the end, today I grimaced through it, and didn’t feel anything at the end except tired. Then we went for breakfast, which was nice, but it was just fuel, there was no sense of pleasure in eating the food in front of me, it was just satisfying hunger.
It’s not going to be like this every day.
This evening I went as normal to my Slimming World meeting, and was greeted with hugs and lots of ‘how are you doing?’ and again I remembered how much love and support I’ve got on this journey, it helps, even if I’m too fuzzy to tell you how much. At weigh in, I’ve stayed the same since last week, which, given the last seven days, and the weekend of being nice to myself, I am more than ok with. The weight loss is going pretty well, three stone and three pounds since February, in fact, as I told the doctor on Friday, and I told the meeting tonight, it’s about the only aspect of my life that I have felt any sense of control over in a long time, in the previous seven days I’d lost eight pounds, so I know that I can do that again. With that in mind I’ve set myself a target for the next seven days to lose another four pounds, that will take me to another landmark, another award, and another step closer to my goal. The reason for setting the target is threefold, one, to get to the milestone of three and a half stones lost, but also, to give me something to focus on that is in my control, despite where my head is currently at, and if successful, it will give me a much needed boost next Monday night.
where am I going with this? well… it’s like this, at the moment every day is unpredictable, and so I’m having to just take each day as it comes, and deal with it accordingly, but I can plan my meals, my snacks, count up my syns, even if I’m not feeling stable enough to go out for a walk or go to the gym, I can still stick to my plan, and that way, there’s something constant to hold on to, like a guideline in a maze of tunnels. So, wish me luck, or at least, good planning.